The High King Lives

Media Saturday: The Lone Ranger July 13, 2013

Filed under: Media Saturday,Movie reviews — amberdover @ 12:53 pm
Tags: , , ,

Hello dear ones! Today I’ll be reviewing the new movie called The Lone Ranger, not to be confused with the old t.v. series.
Lone ranger silver 1965
By Pleasure Island Uploaded by We hope at en.wikipedia [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

What can I say? I regret seeing this movie and I regret taking Michael. The whole time we were telling him to turn his head every other minute. There will be spoilers so be aware. I wish I had read a review first though because many are saying this movie bombed and we could’ve saved our wallet and our minds.

The positive: Ummmm….the actors look good for the parts. The Lone Ranger shows how greed can destroy. There’s a message that progress isn’t as important as people. The Lone Ranger himself has decent morals. We see Tonto’s back story and why he acts crazy. Native Americans are shown more realistically. Tonto is the only bad stero type but we find out later why he acts the way he does (feeding a dead crow on his hat, crumbs etc).

The negative: Violence is an understatement. You see Native Americans and U.S. soldiers killed. One of the villains eats a man’s heart. The villain made the movie feel like a horror flick to me….think Hannibal (which I haven’t seen but I’ve heard about). There are so many racial stereo types it’s not funny and maybe some were true to the times but still they went too far with it. The sexual innuendos were one too many and there are several ladies “of the night” shown. I guess I thought this would be a kid’s movie since it’s Disney. I was excited that Michael would learn who Tonto was and why I go around saying “kimosabi”. But this movie was the furthest from a kid’s movie.

Honestly, the movie should’ve been called “Tonto”. The Lone Ranger had a good heart but he was pretty wimpy most of the time. The way he treated Tonto wasn’t nice at all. There’s some slapstick humor thrown in which didn’t make sense with an action movie. I think that’s a big reason The Lone Ranger missed the mark. One minute it’s a horror flick with a cannibal villain. The next people are being hit in the head with rocks (including the heroine which completely took away any sense of romance for me) and you have a horse that seems to be able to fly. So maybe some of the humor was aimed at the old tv series but if they were going in that direction then they should’ve left out all the smut that made it a very adult movie.

The whore house is seen as something normal. It’s not shown as this awful place for women (like in Les Mis’). It’s shown as being humorous and the madam (female pimp) comes to the rescue at the end while a Calvary officer feels on her fake leg which is a gun.

At the beginning of the movie, we see an elderly Tonto as a live mannequin at a carnival. He tells this little boy dressed as a cowboy about the Lone Ranger. That right there gave the movie a kiddie feeling. Come on son, let’s learn about cowboys and Indians…oh wait…and whores and cannibals. It’ll be fun! *Rolling eyes* At the end of the movie, the kid puts on his mask and seems to really admire The Lone Ranger. Honestly, I have no clue what he found admirable. So the Lone Ranger did a few tricks at the end but for most of the time he was a goofy wimp. The kid should’ve shook Tonto’s hand and the Lone Ranger should’ve been the side kick. Because he was not the strongest character.

I loved Man of Steel. It had a hero kids could look up to and Super Man  just felt like a hero. But the Lone Ranger was too confusing. It’s like the writers ate a comedy sandwich, drank a horror milkshake, and had some action fries…then threw it all up and called it a movie. Sorry but that’s what I got. And that’s how I felt when we left…like I had been vomited on. So I learned my lesson. I will be reading reviews before we go to movies and I won’t assume a Disney flick is safe.  Even as an adult movie…it’s just a mess.

According to my hubby who saw the t.v. series this movie is nothing like it.  The few moral messages were lost in the smut. This movie could’ve been great but it really missed the mark.

God bless & remember the High King lives! ~Amber Dover


2 Responses to “Media Saturday: The Lone Ranger”

  1. CMrok93 Says:

    Glad to see I’m not all that alone in my hatred for this flick, especially since they are easily trying to set this up for a new franchise. Better not happen. Good review Amber.

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